My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
