remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
