Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
