Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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