why didn't you poke me back
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
