I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My vagina just clenched in fear
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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