I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
