Im at strip club and am horny
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
love makes seman taste better
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize