So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
do nipples grow back?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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