I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
