I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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