When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
