I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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