how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
it was like his penis was on wheels.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want a musical about memes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
