my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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