Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
