Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
