I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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