Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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