i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
