How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
