can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
