i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
