dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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