I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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