On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
