This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
