I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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