I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
