just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
