we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
