No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
