Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
