How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
