you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
