So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
