I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
