im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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