You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
