are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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