omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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