So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
