I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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