I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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