We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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