i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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