I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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