so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
