he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
