When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
