Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is Oprah even human
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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