i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
