New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
