so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
