I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
