this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
