Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
