DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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