I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
