He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
