I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize