His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
