Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
