Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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