Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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