i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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