just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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