Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
