this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
