recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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