I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
