I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize